Just one spark starts a fire .

too many updates to post,for now-let just let this blog collect some precious dust.

tell me if its finally the time,love.

its not that i dont want to take the initiative to come to you but its just that i just cant find the pefect timing anymore. we dont seem to be like last time and yeah,things pretty much change. dont worry, im not going to put the blame on you but i really hope you're not blaming me too. frankly,just now i thought of really sitting down w you and start crapping stuffs. but the atmosphere seems to be different. way,way different. and furthermore,i really dont know why am i actin so weird when he's around us. its like,there's still part of me wanting to stay but at the same time i want to leave straight away...i really dont knw whats the best thing to do for now.

thank you for still considering me as your ideal friend and never forget that I love you,always :')

Alright,so much of going on hiatus huh? but seriously,i just cant resist blogging eventho ive got nothing much here. but wait till i make JTT opn to public....hehhh :D

today is equals to awwsplend ! thanks to wk for cracking me up and fr that stupid N game! you're so awesomely chaRmig dea friend and always be the one who mak me smile wide and cry at the same time ! gee,thanks a ton wk. OH!and now then i remember to watch Charlie and the unicorn thinggggggg. ^^

supposed to meet yan today but last minute cancelled curze her school have cca day.and my dearest aqilah seems to be busy every single day :'(
i miss you alottttttt laaaaaa pantat (!!!)

its okay guys,go ahead and continue w what you're doing now. i dont mind a single bit.

&Drrrren,xx you are so freaknglysyetrious cuteeeeeeeeeee !!!! lyyyyyymmmmmmxx.

there's this one hot nerd reminded me that eoy is on the 5th of october and im still not revising my work. i hate the fact that imma procastinator and i will tend to give up at the very last minute. so someone,make meeeeeeeeeeeee work my arse off for finals can ?

erm,nope.
naaaaa-uh.

ive gotta do things independently now.aiyaiyaiiiiiiiiii,exams -.-

i'll blog when i want to :')

h
i
a
t
u
soooooooooooooooooooon.

• never thought something that will make you smile wide will make me burst into tears.
• but im happy for you,like fo real ^^
• so much of I WONT TEXT HIM TODAY.
• 3hours seems like forever -_________________-
• what a nerdddddd,but you stil theee bestttt,the macho-esssssst :D
• NEVER THOT SMTG THT WILL MKE YOU SMILE WIDE WILL MKE ME BURST INTO TEARS.

love you to the mmmmm ^^

&im so freaking hungary today,serve me right for nott eating during sahur just now-.-

helllllllloooooooooo.
oh dangs,im such a soreloser menz! its just the second day of fasting and im already this weak.-.-
but everytime when im hungry,i will remember those african kids who's starving for months and eat food that YOU'LL NEVER want to eat. so yeah,be patient....thats the whole point of fasting.

anyw,terawih ystd was fine.but cause of the cuts on my leg i almostttt cried while praying.the pain is soooooooooooooooooooooooooo excrrrrruciaaaaating. hah!
wont be gg tonight since heed got somtg on in the afternoon.

and speaking of terawihhhhhhhhh,mum keeps on coming to my room asking me if ive solat zohor.
what a human,during fastng month also im sooo lazy to solat despite all the setans kenee handcuffed! tsk.

and and and and i loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :)

How's your first day of fasting doing ehs ? hehe.

out of so many months,why must my migraine come back to me during fasting month?!haha.but its okay,im also used to not eating since ive been throwing up almost everytime when i feed myself. so yeah,overall today=good ^^

cant wait fr terawih!haha.suddenly,im so excited and semangat. just hope that this spirit will last long ehhhh syaaff ? :D

its just 5pm and i can smell food already!-.-

Time flies extremely fast. Tmr fasting month already ! :D
anyw, i miss my sister hell lots.
i miss making up excuses with her just to avoid going to terawih! haha. and i still remember we ate at RP during fasting month!!! haha.
evil you, still i love you sis :)

ramadhan's coming, im just goinna keep my mouth shut i promise.
cant say much anymore cause i know it wont make things better.
im sorry for everything, you sure know im nowhere close to a good person.
i dont know for you, but for me-
im goinna let the past behind and start all over again.

i dont know what will shut you up.
for the mean time, ignorance is bliss.

bestf in L again?haha...

i swear im so irritated by some of my IBFC today -.- &h(square) prangai boiboi! hahhh.
pleaseeeeeeeeeeee,can you be kind to us tmr Sun ? :\

Today was so much better compared to yesterday. Thank you white nerd,black nerd,caperpillar! :]

Right from the very start, i knew i was weak. Im born with fragile emotions that needed constant attention and affection. Everytime I look at my very own reflection laughing and smiling i knew deep down inside of me, there's a tiny little girl hugging her knees afraid of the people and things that surrounded her. That girl who often burst out laughing and screaming on top of her lungs during Physical Education, that girl who will sing happily in the class and irritate her classmates , that girl who will talk about the crappiest thing on earth , that girl who always give her friends advice to stay positive in life. But right now, THAT girl is just a shadow passing by or someone who I never known all this while. Feels like all along i'm acting with two different roles. Im sucha pessismist,fr real. I give up easily . I cried to sleep everyday . And i'm so soft inside. Whenever im on my way to hate or dislike someone, you see anger written on my face. But the reality is that i'm sad. I cried because i failed to be a useful friend. I failed as a whole. Forgive me for being so emotional but i'm really depressed right now. I look around me and sometimes i question about my existance. I wonder what changes will there be if i'm not standing in this world. When i hate you that doesnt mean I dont care. And life's too short for hatred and i cant bear to live my life with full off hatred among my friends. Right now,im not boterhing about them that much, but what worrying me is finding my own self. MYSELF. I searched everywher for the old me to come back. I need the strength to get a grip of myself. Life's a climb,true. But i cant seem to find any faith to continue living. I'm aware that im blessed with such loving mum and caring friends that ive been appreciating since the day i know them. Like i said, ive got no problems with anyone but myself. Im trying my best to really keep back on track. Its hard when i dont even know who i am right now. Its hard when i tried my best not be weak but still i will cry in the end. I used to be strong on the outside but weak on the inside. Right now,im physically and emotionally weak. No one can see the burden im carrying except myself. But how will i get better if i cannot find my own self ? Im giving up on my studies and show no zero interest at all. Ive been daydreaming in class and doodling over my paper. I dont know...im so lost. Sometimes i feel so tiny. I feel so emotionless. I dont know where Im heading next and i dont know whats going on with my life. I dont feel that im the leader of my own life. Im not bothering much about my life. Never thought about putting and end to my life until today. I was so puzzled with the voices around me. I feel like there's someone directing my life. Even that, i would be glad because i would know that im not living in a reality. But right now, i cant make an escape from it. Cant afford to run away even if im willing to. Coudlnt find the strength...i cant. Asked for help but from who ? You guys have been such a sweetheart all these while but you know,its hard when you're not really being me. Im sorry again for being so depressed,but i really am. Im so tired and worn off having to travel from woodlands to pasir ris every single day. I cant continue... i wish.. sighs.

There's more for me to pour out but maybe now is now the right time. I'll be back when i've find myself.

to everyone of you,forgive me for my mistakes because right now,im really not having any hatred towards any of you.

Goodbye and thank you for those who care. Love you all' :)

Bishan > Downtown BK > Home [:

uh huh,im plain lazy to blog for now. im stil waiting for ystd's pictures manzzzz.
okay goodnight love.

I had a dream few hours back and in that dream,I wasnt dreaming.
sighs,why must you be so bloody sexy and handsome and macho and hot and melt me EVEN when im madly in love with that guy -.-

hah,easy for you to guess lah who i dreamt about.
his name begins w letter F.
-.-

I had lotsa fun today and im of course,extrrrrmely tired right now.
went out as early as nine am to Joo Chiat with my parents then met Aqilah at tampines. Headed to Downtown to meet Diyana and went to Escape Theme Park. the last time i went was during 2007 i guess? it pretty much sucks and boring since few of the rides has closed down already :\

First up was the Haunted House. Damn this Diyana,curze of her im terrified and shout for nothing-.- i wasnt scared actually (haaha) but diyana scream like mad till i joined her too-.-
after that was the family roller coaster i guess? and i puke my chicken rice back -.- the pirate ship still one of my favourite rides down there ^^
aqilah's turn to puke! haha :D but the ride that made all three of us puke was the Flipper -___-
stubborn rightttt ? hahaha!

Afterwards we ate at Fish&Co. and off to e!hub to get yan's waffle and off to tampines. Bid goodbye to Yan and off to cityhall. Ate fried mars bars with Qilah at FarEast and sat at McCafe,watched NDP show at channel five,then singapore idol ^^ hahhh.

and now,im back home.
sleepyhead.
im goinna sleep soon.
k bye :D

since my days getting better day by day,why not change the blogskin to mre bright,happy colour than dull grey or black :)

Funny,i'm not even interested to know about your fucked up life. So why bother about mine ?

Nothing can beat these feelings,i swear.

no used fighting for your right cause at the first place there's nothing to fight for, right ? i discovered another of your famous last words dude.

thank you Mitch yeap,the fake wacko mitch ^^

&qilah and that silly boy,thanks a ton fr everything :)

so when there's something good happened, there's also the bad part -_________-

first thing up,now you can contact me thru my phone already since ive get a new sim card.
but the hella-me-up-thang was, my phone-there's still no network coverage and i hafta use my brother's phone. still,on the bright side-i get to contact people which is okay,good.(?) -.-

anw thanks diq and zul for accompanying me just now. and sorry for any inconvenience ive caused.HAHA. i know ive got no freaking patience at all right? am so sorrry ^^
but at least i didnt burst into tears sia just now! hah.

school was normal=boring. but im not quiet today and im not irritating today. okay lied. not THAT irritating i can say :) there's assembly just now and i think its great? i mean its been a long time since we last had "mass gatherings" hahaha. (k fine,not funny-,-)

tmr is wednesday and ive got freaking softb training (insert im-going-to-be-sick-tmr-face)
like fo real! but i though of going since SOMEONE said i need to EXERCISE. hah! and it bugs me alot when i keep spraining my legs. it sucks,it sucks.

haiyaiyaiiiiiiiiii,ive got lots to do later.like :

tidy up my file.
find my chem/maths/ wkshts.
..
...
.....

okay,so thats about it ? HAHA.
okay i know,again-not funny right? tsk!

cant resist it dudeeeeeely ^^

No more happy girl today curze everything feel so wrong. I mean it, everything :'(

anw,thank qeem for being such a sweetsucker friend :) for getting me a new pen! fyi,i lost a new pen i bought last week and i cried in class.HAH!laugh all you want but really,i cried.Maybe because ive not yet used the pen fr an hour ? tsk. thanks again Qeem :]

and Hanis suckersweet friend,im sorry we hafta postponed our date to thursdy ? hahaha! noob laah your inter class competition and noob to my faulty sim card too -.- ohh,another piece of information, my sim card i faulty right now so i cant received any texts or phone calls. i cant even send any texts or make any calls. so pleaseeeeeee,if there's anytg urgent-call my house phone alright? :)

school was hell. or was it just me ? yeah,its ME . nothing new right? been crying the whole of ystd night and early this morning till just now 2.10pm. i cant tell why am i feeling so ultra sensitive nowdays. have you ever felt so suckish when you've pu high hopes on someone but all they didwas breaking your hearts to pieces? yeah,this is certainly not the first time im experiencing this kind of suckish feeling. and the moral of the story still, is not to fall for the person closest to you. yeap,closestttt. :'(

thanks to another sweetheart in my class,Wai Kin for cheering me up :) and i really admire your life dude. true, don't get involve in love cause you'll end up hurting yourself. but sorry,cant move on a single inch :((
thanks again mannnnnnnnn!^^

And bestfriend Imah,thnk you for your countless efforts to make me laugh! Loveeeeee you to bits and maxxxxxx ^^ eh,besok takmo bangun lambat tau!heh.

Lastly to :
Nurul Aqilah Bte Zulkifle,
Nur Diyana Bte Daud,
Nur Diana Bte Selamat;

i miss you girls terribly :'(

Princess is so happy now ! Princess has finally completed her R&D ! shaboooyaaaa :D

okay shuppp!i know i'll hafta edit lots thangs in that R&D afterwards when Mr O gave some remarks about it.But RIGHT NOW!im so ohv happy curze im done! at least,thats whuut im thinking *winks* :D

anyw,work was fun to thee max just now!it's our last day for everybody curze fasting month coming and and and finally,i get to work w Islam ! hahaha. but Budi still not wrking :( mahirah,kau ngn dier samer jer lah! hahaha. Islam never change! still the same old sleepy-i'm-tired- look! hahaha. And oh,Taufiq was there too just now :)

i was whining right from the start when i knw im working with Fazan_ Wedding Catering bt my oh my,me so lucky that i dont feel tired at all working today! and no one's complaining and yeah,i made new friend too! i get to stalk "SAPER" and Haikel v the itating! he took my number secretly from my phone and texted me just now-.- hahaah. When i asked who's this,he said he'll give me clue which is someone who has lotsa "birth marks" which is = to tatoos lah! hahhh.

and im so hyper as per usualzxz! kak yan and others keep on teasing me w SAPER. hahaa! too bad,you're attached lah eh!haha. and oh,someone asked my my age. then he said -
"oh,wasted uh. too young for a ___/poly guy like me.
HAHAHA.sucker sia! i also want poly/jc boyfrndd you know :D

okay peeps,im so thirsty now.
and ohhhh,listen kids-if you really urgent and cannot control your f bladder.PLEASEE,PLEASEEE GO TO THE TOILET BEFORE ITS TOO LATE.

HA.
HAAAA.
HAAAAAAAA.
:D

k,love you awesome peepos! ^^

Its six fifty three am right now and im blogging when im supposed to finish up my coursework.
cant help it,its just so irresistable.HAH! my hair still in the mess and ive not bath yet,heh!
Won't be updating much already cause i just cant find the perfect timing to blog :(

Im feeling so dreaddddful to go to work later -_________-
anw,can't wait fo Monday to come (!!!) I miss that silly but kind hearted,loving and handsome boy! :)

kay,now im goinna bathhhhhhhhhhhhhh,iron my clothessssssss and back to coursework.
(macam paham,nanti cnfrm bace blog org!haaaah)