Too late to regreteven its only a puff

Ive got such a great weekends last week.I wont explain in details of what happened but just roughly the things i did.

SATURDAY 28 JUNE 08

• went to National Musuem (for the third time?-.-)
• did what we supposed to for our english&history performance task.
• camwhore here & there
• went to LJS for in between breakfast and lunch?
• supposed to meet my sister's friend but postpone to 6pm.
• went to bugis w Imah&Mahirah instead.
• went to Tampines Mall for like only 30mins?!
• headed off back to home.
• get changed and off to boon lay.
• met kak nuriah
• went to watch sister's concert band performance.
• FABULOUS CONCERT !
• tired.reaced home at about eleven pm.sleeeeeep.

*if only i can rewind back the time and strong enough to say NO.

SUNDAY 29 JUNE 2008

• HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAREST AQILAH(:
• woke up at 6am.
• get ready to go out to Sultan Mosque auditorium for the Lifeskilss workshop.
• met imah and mahirah .
• went for the lifeskills workshop.
• talk by Mr Hisham Hashim.
• had a group activity-group w the two girls plus hazim and i forgot whats his name-.-
• went for another talk by Dr Sheikh Muszhapar((((((((:
• took the certificate and the prize .
• OFF TO HOME !

Alright,it may not seem as tiring as you can imagine. but honestly,i think last weekends were the most tiring weekend for me throughout this month!i really enjoyed the lifeskills workshop and of course,the talk by the first malay/muslim astronaut.He really makes me feel more confident about myself and also emphasised that "nothing is impossible" &he took 25 years to achieve his dreams.I am sure,by his talk,many other teenagers are now aware that nothing will happen if you just keep on dreaming without working hard. " NAK SERIBU DAYA,TIDAK MAHU-SERIBU DALIH"

Today-Monday 30 June 2008(:

School was okay except that for art lesson i was effing tired and moodless. I felt very guilty towards Mr Joe)': i shouldnt have act like one big fcuk in class just now.sighs-

I dont wish to explain any further bout school today.

but i know its not okay-deep,deep,deeeeep inside my heart.

To those who care

Im sorry that ive disappoint all of you by what i did.I wasnt aware that there are people who actually care for me and do not want me to get involve in such silly things.I am mad at myself for being so stupid to do such thing and i am not going to blame them for what had happened.I knew that all this was my fault.Even,if you girls did persuaded me to try,but if i were to stand up for myself-to be strong enough-to be confident enuff to say NO!i wont get into this idiotic mess.Now i really regret because just one puff everything ruins.Even now,most of my classmates knew about it.But really,i promised you guys that i wont do it anymore.I wont be mad at you people for not trusting me anymore cause i know it took years to build up trust but seconds to destroy it.Once again i'll like to apologise to everyone of you who cares bout me

I love you people&i musnt let something like this happen again.

)':

Labels: im sorry.

i cant help but to cry.why must it end this way?

I've gotta stop lying-especially to myself

New skin again &i have no bloody idea why on earth have i choosed this skin when its not even my favourite colour &the designs werent that beautiful either.
Maybe i'm in the mood for a change cause my life is really changing.Now,i am(finally)smiling every single day without anymore worries of questions haunting me.
I've moved on &i guess this is the best decision ive made.
maybe not just the right decision for myself but for other parties too.I hope after this i wont be creating anymore trouble or make myself like a fool :)

School was fine just now.As expected,when people saw us walking to school together they straight away assumed that we're back together -.o
Its funny and weird at the same time when we walked to school together just now.
we both felt different but we were hiding that awkward feelings aside.
Even i tried to hide this whatever-you-call feelings by laughing and laughing all the time while walking.I sure missed the beautiful times when we were an item back then.
But i dont think (for now) getting into a r'lationship is the right time.
I am confident enough to tell public that i'm kinda mature for a 13 yrs old coming to 14 yrs old girl-
But,i dont think i am mature/ready to get involve in rlationships again after my most recent.
Ive learned from my mistakes and i took both Mrs G & Rahimah's advice.
the best thing for now is for me to focus on studies at the same time expand my cirlce of friends.
I am sure there are aloooot more humans i am looking forward to be friend with.
(:

Nothing much for English and Lit except for collecting the assignments stuffs.
started on a new topic for Maths-Direct Proportions. fully understood the concept &i hope this will remains[:
Had group work for MT involving Peribahasa(which i suckkk at).
D&T was o-k-a-y except that Aaron was super annoying and mean(always-not surprised)
stayed for a while in school for lunch curze ive been starving from 5am till 3pm!
all because this two-elve alphabets -
M-E-N-S-T-R-U-A-T-I-O-N -.o
seriously if i was given a chance (obviously i am given) to describe my day with just one colour.
i will pick the word
RED.
Not because of blood(partly)but also because of some moodswings that makes my heart boils and turn my face to red.cant stop blushing(k this is more to pink.whatever!)
&more actually.
so yeah.
i'll call today-

red.bloody.mess. day[:
Good Night.
(OHHH!AND THAT EXPLAINS WHY MY BLOGSKIN IS RED!hahaha)
:")

Labels: its just the beginning.

You're giving me more than enough reasons for me to move on

Hah!school werent that bad at all except that gastric attack after recess-.o
i was expecting the teachers to nag at us cause of assignments but we're effing lucky not to get scolded by any teacher.Tomorrow will be something different i guess since my fav.teacher(according to Shafiy)will be coming for an hour for Geoggggg
I still have not collected any articles yet?paaaantaaaat~

DNT WAS EXTREMELYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY FUN :DDDD
now almost the whole class is calling me Babooon thanks to Shafiyuddin Bin Mansor(:
slacked alot today since its the first day of the new term.
starting by tomorrow its fast&furiousquotes from my Malay teacher.
gee.
Day by day my post is getting boring huh?
im aware of tt.

Blooddddyshit.
now im so effing stuck in betweeeeen.
patching back ?haha.no idea.
waiting for him still?no comment.
confess ?consdering.
just give me four more days and im gg shout my decision.
{:

aku baboon bodow.

I'M BACK!to school -.-

Tomorrow is Monday.
&its no longer school holidays!
gosh,time flies superb extreme fast huh?feels like four weeks of holidays werent that long at all!
esp when i can only enjoy a week of the holidays.
unfortunately,i still havent complete my geog assignment.
Bloodysheesh-.-

I wont blog much although there's alot to tell.
cant wait for school tomorrow just for the sake of seeing my bbygirls&boys.
Shafiyyyy dah permanent panggil aku baboon -.-
haha,memang dari dulu pon kan!
tsk)':
Baboon Ninja!phaaar~

qiuuuuuuuuuuuu
I think i have a tiny crush on you luhhh.
i melted when you called me just now.{bukaan yg conference tu tau!haha}
ums,but i dont know if i am still waiting for him
maybe i need just a week to really consider my decision?
idk.seriously-
and plus i cant forget my "Ashraf Sinclair" sumpah aku tak bedek):

I miss my holiday moments.
i want it back.
i want it back.

p/s : I think i love like you.

Labels: still willing to wait ?

ive got alot to post but as per norm.im too tired.
no,im not tired at all.
just not in the moooooood bby.
you hurt me like 83648263583278127938231 billions times (:
faggg you sheeeeshhh.
should i wait for you still?

ohh/sometg that cheer me up is just me getting to take a picture w wan arshad.hoho.
idk if you mly ppl still recognise his name coz anugerah is like so longgg time agooo.
boo.but he's still fcuking hot budo.
and and Shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam.
if only we had the time to exchange our numbers.
at least we get to exchange our names?Lol.
if only....
then

I WOULD HAVE MOVE ON WITH YOU HOTSTUFF.
AND I WONT WASTE ANOTHER 523875934923942 YEARS WAITING FOR HIM
im such an idiot.
i thnk im wasting my time waiting for him
but idk why am i stil waiting and not wanting to move on.
such an asshole kan me?
fuggggggg.

yeah,i hate myself.
i hate my surroundings now.
and thats why im taking a break.
back to seee the chickens,cows,and more.
ohhhh.
i wanna breakfreeeeee bby.
i hate you but
i love you still.
IM AN IDIOT (:

I thought you're worth waiting for but just tonight you prove me wrong
You no longer make me smile when we're chatting and thank you for making me cry to bed every night.I dont know why am i still stubborn to wait for you even though i am aware that its just wasting of time since we're never possible.Hah!I want to move on but i dont know how to start.And to those who reply to my personal msg-thank you so much.esp apple<333>[:
&to cheeebye,thanks for asking.At least you're showing your concern indirectly!
i loveyou guys.
unfortunately-tonight,YOU-the one whom ive waited for almost nine months and never fail to make me smile wide,make me shed another tear.
Now i truly,deeply know where i stand
Thank you once again-;
iloveyou

If only the Osmonds brothers are still young and fresh.
i am so going to fall for that hot guy [:
oh,i'm goinn be away-
anything urgent call me dont message. i wont reply (:
byee faggs :X

11 more days left.

I was wrong. i wanted to school to re-open so badly. but now then i just realise that -
I DONT WANT SCHOOL TO START.
IM NOT FUGGING READY TO GO.
IVE NOT COMPLETED MY ASSIGNMENTS YET.
IVE NOT FULLY ENJOYED MY JUNE HOLIDAYS.
AND,
im not ready to face them

help.


}/PLEASE REPLY MY MESSAGE OR SMTG? sheeesh.

Labels: 11 more days bby )':

Ohh caramel frapp!

Yes,like finally i get to drink it(:
met Aqilah&Gadafi at causeway point just now just for the sake to accompany me to starbucks for my caramel frap!{whaat awwsome friends ive gott yo!}
before that went to eat at Banquet.i'm not hungry but i feel like eating&aqilah and gada were forcing me to eaaat -.o
sayang punya fasal,i ate fishball noodle.me and qilah were such a dumbo,the mee and soup were separated.i received the soup first and i went to ask
"Cik,mee takder?"
&the stallkeeper smile and said "ni mee" pointing beside her.
we dont know its goinna be separated uhh.kay so paiseh!
and the stallkeeper said
"Cik?tue narh ke sayer/aku?"
and im like
"sorry,tersasul la kaaaak" (padahal,walhaaaaal~!)
Aqilah said she perasan younggg!Loool xD

Walked around causeway point and off to starbucks!oh yeahh bby.
ahha,treat Aqilah mocha frapp and sat there for like more than 4 hors i guess?or less?idk.
talked and gossip about our primary school stuffs.
ohmygeee.i never realised i'm that kentaaaal.
loool xD
kayy dah habes.
and aqilah,aku adoreee kau ngn dier!haha.neverrrmind,aku maseh willing to wait yo!
:DDDD
syg kau.thanks ehyyy ((:
xoxo.


K,post today suckszxzxz.i'm tired.
ohhh,saw sis Yenny just now!hah[:

-Name 20 people.At the end of the survey, choose 5 people to do it. Do not read the question first, name the people first.

1. Imah
2. Hanis
3. Shiddiq
4. Shafiy
5. Saiful
6. Mahirah
7. Ama
8. Yousuf
9. Aciik
10.Annah
11.Tina
12.Dee
13.Qeem
14.Ahn
15.Qilah
16.Nini
17. Hadina
18. Adie
19.Feeefit
20.ZAC EFRON!haha.

-How do you met 14?
Since K1?aha(:

-Wad will u do if u never met 1?
I wil never believe that true friends exist in this world(:

-Will 6 and 17 date?
HARHAR.they're straight not lesbians(:

-Describe 3?
Mr Bestfriend,Mr Big Bully,Mr Choc Stealer,lovelovelove to irritates me!&make me cry every nigt!hahaha[:

-Is 8 attractive?
Bahaha.he claims he's hotter than Zac Efron(:

-Describe 7?
A very pleasant and patient girl.My lovely cuzzin and very intelligent(:

-Do u noe any of 12 family members?
I KNOW ALL OF THEM.hehh(:

-Wad language does 15 speaks?
English,Malay(:

-Who is 9 going out with?
hahh.no idea[:

-How old is 16?
14 years young!

-When was the last time u spoke to 13?
Ummms,few weeks ago?

-Who is no.2 fav singer/band?
I only know what kind of music she likes(:

-Have u ever dated 4?
HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHHAHAA.zomg-.o"

-Would u ever date 1?
If i decided to be a lesbian,she'll be the first one i'll date [:

-Is 19 single?
NOOOO.One year plusplus already w her dearest Aniqq.lol

-What's 10 last name?
Ehk?k be nice spell her full name : Nurul Hannah Bte Basri (:

-Would u ever be in relationship with 11?
EHHH.PLS,I'M STILL STRAIGHT LUH:DD

-Wad is the school of 3?
METTA SCHOOL.haha,Siglap (:

-Where does 6 lives?
Pasir Ris!

-Wad's ur favourite thing about 5?
His cute face !hahaha.*bukan palat oi!hahaha.k im so mean : D

-Have u ever seen 2 naked?
Hahaha.Noooooooooooooo[:

-Will you marry 20?
YES.FOR SHURE.FOR SHURE. OH WE'RE MARRIED[:
(k i made up this one!)
*grins*

xoxo
Ps/all this names are random[:oh plus i miss them [:

I'm stil willing to wait;love

-;Waiting for your call, I'm sick,
Call I'm angry
Call I'm desperate for your voice
Listening to the song we used to sing
In the car, do you remember
Butterfly, Early Summer
It's playing on repeat,
Just like when we would meet
Like when we would meet
Cause I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to,
to make you mine
Stay with me tonight.

<You promised to call but-
Im tired of crying to sleep already although i claimed its part of my "hobby?"
sometimes i'm mad at myself and not you
i blame myself for having high hopes still.
blame myself because i make a fool of myself.
blame myself for falling in love w you.
blame myself because i fail to accept you just like my
Mr.BestFriend.

It sucks big time to go through this in my life.Even my brother said its better for me just to move on and to love you just like any other bestfriends i have.
but that is bloody tough-just like what Hanis mention.
i agree.how can you unlove someone just like that after patiently waited for him/her almost a year?and furthermore-i'm very close to him.there's never be a day i never think about him.
Never-
i dont care if he actually thinks about me or not.
I really want you to know that i really really love you
&i tried my very best to fall in love w other guys cause i dont wish to fall for someone's boyfriend.
I know how does it feels. I'm a girl too. I know how one feels if she have to share her boyfriend w someone else.
but sometimes i dont feel guilty at all cause i really believes that-
"We don't need anyone's approval to love someone"
I keep on telling this to myself and i think this explains why am i still waiting for you.

I remembered,i wrote in that black book that i rather seeing you not belong to me than you belong to someone else.
i felt like i have to compete with her to win your love.
but thats so foolish.why cant i understand that you love me just like a bestfriend and nothing more.
WHY?!
why am i still willing to wait for you even though i know its never possible.

I swear this is my first time waiting for someone this long.
i never really love a guy this much. willing to wait even he belongs to someone else.
willing to wait even though i know its never possible for us to be together.
and sometimes i wish i dont know you all this while.
i dont know why is hard for me to move on like i used to?
why must i reject the one who really loves me and wait for you-making myself hurt.

I just need someone to teach me how to love and accept you just like my
Mr.BestFriend.
or,
I just need someone who will give me some strength to face all this.

Both of us regret.But its too late-waytoo late.Now that you're belong to someone else-the most i can do is just to _____.
yes,wait
Give me some time to clear from this mess.
if i really can't force myself to unlove you-i'm sorry.
i just cant make my feelings change suddenly.
i will wait. i will .

"How i wish to rewind time.I want to start all this over again.But i cant.Im juz so sorry."-mrbestfriend.

Labels: I love you too.

I think i'm falling for you;

Its back to soccer fever(:
&mum is excited?*smiles*Unfortunately for Singapore,they have no chance to enter world cup.
aww,but i think they somehow "did their homework" for yesterday's game. At least the score was not that bad but still-:

He's back and i'm happy.I keep reading his messages.even dreamt bout him!dont tell me i'm in love again?but this is good,curze im no longer falling for my bestfriend-and i always remember what Mrs G told me.its not the right time yet[:
coming back to school tomorrow and i cant waiittttttttttttttttt.
softball trainings will begin on the last week of school and i dont think i can make it .
oh i just cant wait to go back to my kampong
i miss,miss,miss *them frigg much!

Thought of gg to aunt's place today since mummy is not home.and sister went out to taman warisan.brother went out w mummy to make new spectacles.brothers and dad inside the room doing what idk!Loll xD
im waiting fo any awesome babylurves to go online but there's only few irritating humans go online chatting w me but sorry,i'm not gg to reply(:

&to her-stop asking for fansigns please.Its fcuking irritating. desperate for fansigns?!wth :\
grow up please??oh i forget.
you're still ums-12?or 13?
i dont care.but it bothers me when you irritates me!
fagg.

Apologised for yesterday's postCRAP.

But really,i had lotsa fun during the outing w them my precious primary school bbylurves(:
i miss them frigging much and farhan-although we're in the same school,i miss you too luh oyy!
im really looking forward for another outing maybe on Aqilah's birthday:)

Did nothing much today except the English Assignment 2 and watch some Ms Swan's videos.
Loll.watch it because i'm so desperate to laugh.Unfortunately i only laugh for less than 10 seconds?:\
i'm missing Hanis terribly i swear.&my other bbygirls too.Oh!i miss Qeem too.*laughs*
well Rahimah is going soon)': another precious people to miss!

Right now im craving for brownies!Feeefit,can you give me the recipeeee?hahaha!
not only brownies but caramel frap too):
btw,mahirah's cupcakes were awesome!sweet but acceptable luhh.
thank you eh love ._.

Can't wait for holidays to end.rotting at home is really killing meeee.feel like going out but i'm too broke to afford anything.hehh!and i'm feeling kinda guilty asking my mom for money since i know i should be helping her not wasting her money!sorrrreyyyyy ehyyyyy-.o

I really wish i can post something reaaaal interesting.
like ive met Zac Efron or landed on Mars...
before i crap even more,maybe i should just end.
IF anything happens in my neighbourhood,i'll post it right away!
(:

♥sometimes i think i'm a fool-still hoping that there might be a chance for us to be together;

It seems that ive got alot to post but it totally depends on how much i'm willingto type(:
Lets begin w Thursday-outing w my precious precious primary school friends(:
went out w Qilah,Dee,Nazie,Ahn,Helmi,Arid and Ahmad.met them at downtown and off to lunch at burger king.Went to E-hub to check if there's alot more ppl at the waiting list for bowling-uh huhhh.there's like almost ten i guess?so we went to escape to check the ticket price but we agreed that its not worth since its goinna rain sooon.It did(:
our last option was to catch a movie.
Maid of Honour.it was damn frigging touching plus romantic ayye!
:DDDD i supersuper lovve it BUT my other precious friends didnt seem to understand the show at all ! hahaha.
and my super hot Ahn,we just cant sit beside each other luh kan ?
hahaha!
after the show went to Helmi's bbq pit.
eat,camwhore here and there off back to home.
Ahn said something that makes me LOL and SMILE WIDEEEE :D

Friday((:
big big thansk to Mrs Goh(:hahaha!
kay wake up damn early in the morning went to school.watch soccer while doing some english stuffs.and teacher called rahimah.met her at easpoint.had lunch with mrs goh at EATZI.
her treat.ate fish and chips,mango+peach smoothie,dessert idk what they call it.
hahaha:DDDD
had a great day with them.
esp in the car!!!omgeee.its so fun talking to mrs goh menn(:
she's cool.really.

K BYE.MY POST SUCKS TO THE CORE COZ IM HAVING A HEADACHE RIGHT NOW.
GOOOOODBYE BABOOOONS :D

Its totally unfair-it hurts frigg lotsss ):

Kayy,im back.but not w any good news i guess and just as short post will do.
had softball training just now as per norm.met Imah at tamp library bus-stop &as per usual im too early again!hahh!
took 81 and bump into Herlena lovvee:)
had bubble tea before training &went in to school.
training was great but attendance still poor,very poor
im improvinggg:DDD
training ended early.went to whitesands to eat.
ate at KFC ,bump into Audy sweetie:)
took 81 back and 168 HOME.

It sucks big time when mum's having her moodswings.
and i know how my lil brother feels now everytime im having my moodswings.
lucky mum nvr slapped me like i did to my brother):
i guess they're quarelling again.
and i dont know if i can go out to meet my Babes&Jengs tmr.
i want to.to get out of this miserable place.
and everytime she's in a moodswing-im her victim.
even though im busy w my own things i have to obey the chores given.
how is it like being like a queen??
its not that i'm blaming my mom for not asking my sis to help out.
and neither do i blame my sister.
it just sucks when i dont get to enjoy my -rest-time-.
thinking back,i think mom deserves her resting time more than i need it.
ive got to sacrifice.
but...
idk?i just feel like i'm so dumb at the same time.
and what pissed me off the most is when i asked my mom questions,she'll be scolding me back.
i'll just have to bear with it i supposed.
HELP):
i wannt some freedom and justice.
but maybe they don't exist.
or maybe-i just need more time.
or maybe-she needs more time.
THEY NEED MORE TIME TO REALISE

Labels: i love you., mom

I'm sorry bestfriend.

First up,im very sorry dearest sister i cant dedicate a post for you,birthday girl!haha,yesterday was super tired to even look at the laptop.Anyway,Happy belated18th Birthday babe(:
hope you like that 3 pair of ear studs.loool.Ily sis :]

so yesterday was superb fun!first went to Imah's house for the kenduri-hope that you're goinna have a safe journey ahead kay syg?dont forget to pray for me tau!*geeeeee*
i was supposed to follow my sis and her friend,hidir out to celebrate her birthday.but i was too tired and it was already around 5pm when i leave imah's house.I text my sis but she didnt reply-hidir go and call me instead-.-
so yeah,i followed them and meet them at Tampines Inter &off we go to Simpang Bedok to eaaat!i think yesterday was my first time coming there this yearhaha!the last time i went to Simpang Bedok was during my birthday which is in november last year?yeah.wtv:)
Ate the Roti John Cheese Mushroom :D while sis and hidir ate the pataya thingy whatever luh.
and thank you Hidir for the treaaat(:

Next stop ! sis treat us FRIED MARS BARS((: at Plaza Singapura. all of us upsize to 8 pieces and guess what i cant finish it uhhh ehhh-.o Both me and my sister gave 2pieces each to Hidir(:
nevermind,we're helping to gain more weight since you're goooober skinny -.-"
after that we took mrt and off home.oh gosh,inside the mrt we're like the most kecohrable human-i SWEAR!everyone inside that cabin were enjoying a 'free show' uhhh.
haha,and let me introduce you the clown :
ITS MEEEEE!yayyy.hahaha. to Hidir and Sis,i know the next time we're gg out the first question you guys goinna ask me is :

"SHOULDER MANER?!"haha (where is the shoulder? )
fagg.i was effink blur and blurted out that stupid dumb question.and they were laffink their jaws out i tell you. even this malay guy standing in front of us was laffink and better still the passengers in that cabin were all staring at us.
look on the brighter side,I MAKE THEM POPULAR RIGHT?gee :D
but really i was so dumb-
hehh.shut up kayy!lol

so that was it.allight at Woodlands and took 901 back home.
crap with sister in the bedroom for like two or three hours.hahaha.
i just so love yesterday(:
thank you Sister-
thank you Hidir-
xoxo<3333>

__________________________________
Bestfriend?oops.im sorry.all the previous post was crap.and i admit i am tooo emotional and sensitive over things!im so sorry for blaming you all the time.
you still care for me(:
iloveyou dude
♥

Labels: i think i lov....